Age: 30
Height: 5’ 5”
Highest Weight: 190 lbs
Lowest Weight: 125 lbs
Current Weight: 137 lbs
Total Pounds Lost: 65 lbs
Highest Size: 18
Lowest Size: 2
Current Size: 6
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I was a lil’ fat kid and emotional eater from the start. I can remember sitting in class and daydreaming about BBQ while the other kids did their work. After school, the only thing on my mind was watching TV and eating while the other kids played outside. I was constantly teased, called horrible names and ridiculed — even called “a lazy socialite” by a teacher on Open House night in front of my proud parents.
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At one point, the only pants I could fit into were my DAD’S jeans!
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When I developed a large fatty bump on the back of my neck around the age of 12 or 13, my mother took me to the doctor. The doctor told my mother it was just extra fat, that I was large boned, a big girl, and was ALWAYS going to be big. I remember the doctor saying it like I wasn’t in the room. Like I should have replied, “Oh boy! Didja hear that? I have nothing to worry about. I’ll ALWAYS be big!”
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At 17 I was a nanny and the guy I worked for had lost close to 150 pounds using Atkins. I wanted to give this a try because it sounded too good to be true. I never read the book, but through doing what I saw him do, I ate lots of nuts, bacon, meat, etc. I lost my first 20 pounds and started my love affair with low carb.
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My issue has always been my binge eating and having to compensate for my overeating. Any progress I would make would just be derailed by my impulsive decisions for “junk” via my binging habits.
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In my early twenties my weight went up and down. I went back to my “diet” of entire cups of whipped cream, bacon and chicken wings. I can remember eating chicken dipped in BBQ sauce for breakfast every morning. My diet sense was completely upside down. I was so convinced of high fat/low carb. I HAD to be taking in close to 4,000 calories of low carb food a day. I had the discipline down, I was just EXTREMELY uninformed.
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Fortunately, I have the motivation to constant seek out improvement in myself.
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After my husband proposed in 2004 I did what any other crazy dieter chasing “the dream” would do. i bought a really small wedding dress in the hopes of creating “motivation”. I remember trying it on and my mother-in-law zipping up the back saying, “Yeah, you’re gonna need to take off at LEAST 30 pounds.”
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I was determined! I was eating nothing but high-fat meat and salads. I was journaling, SCOURING the internet, eating diet pills and running – yet I wasn’t budging below 155 pounds. My aunt suggested getting my thyroid tested.
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One day, while scouring the ‘net, I came across a paper written by Lyle McDonald the king of ketogenic diets. He was writing a paper on leptin, the hunger hormone. He mentioned the trouble most folks had with Atkins was calories being too high. The weight loss they had once experienced would come to a halt because now they needed LESS calories to lose weight. This turned a light bulb on for me.
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I was in search of a plan. Low carb that also had low fat guidelines to get me into my dress by October 2005. I briefly came across Kimmer in the low carb forums, read many of her posts and knew what she was saying made sense to me. I took notes and followed her suggestions — and 2 WEEKS BEFORE MY WEDDING (my mother was begging me to get it altered to a bigger size) I lost 17 pounds in the nick of time! I had done it!
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After I got married I dabbled in other diets. I tried Carbohydrate Addicts and high fat Atkins from 1972. My weight started to edge back up to 150. This time I wanted to wear a bikini before I had kids and I wanted to see if I could get to the Holy Grail of “Size 2″. Everyone told me “I wasn’t built” to be that small, that I was large framed, etc.
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I was always successful at losing weight, but I was always still “overweight”. I wanted to be just normal. For once in my life I wanted to know what it felt like without the label of “fat girl”. Who was to say that I couldn’t?
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In June 2007 it all came together. I was standing in line at the grocery store and bought the Woman’s World magazine that had the Kimkins diet inside. I didn’t realize at the time it was the same Kimmer who’d helped me fit into my wedding dress and change my life back in 2005.
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As soon as I got home I searched for the Kimkins plan online and realized I knew this plan already — and I knew it worked! I joined in on the Low Carb Friends forum and went down to 135 lbs with ease with all my online buddies. I knew I never had to find another plan — or try another way to eat — because KIMKINS WAS IT!
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In October 2009 my friend and I decided we wanted to run the Disney half-marathon. I really wanted to do this, but I was deathly afraid of exercise. The handful of times I had tried exercise, I went up in weight, retained water and got hungrier. I didn’t want anything to mess up my eating.
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So, in preparation for running I went bare-bones on Kimkins K/E, incorporated intermittent fasting, stopped weighing myself and stuck to nothing but dry plain protein. I left out any seasoning, mustard, sugar free drinks — anything that would make me retain water or get hungry.
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I stumbled upon some magic in doing that. I eliminated those things to reduce the amount of water I knew I’d retain via the running, but I actually peeled off those last pounds like nothing! It was the perfect formula — no stalls and fast loss — even at a low weight. One of my clients commented that I had “changed my entire body composition.”
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I posted this recently in the Kimkins forums, actually talking about that very experience:
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“Losing water weight is one thing – but I know when I made it to goal – I got there because I stopped weighing myself. I HAD to distract myself from TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. It was the only way.
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I had the mentality: K/E was what I was eating, and I was running. If they ain’t gonna do it – then ain’t nothin’ gonna do it! And there was no arguing with myself. No negotiations — that was that. It’s a slippery slope because if you go into denial — you can gain your weight back. I’ve always counteracted that with having a pair or “goal shorts” that I try on every day.
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The scale (to me) is useless. When I took up running, I dropped 2 DRESS SIZES! From a 6 to a 2!! But guess how much I lost? ONLY 4 POUNDS!
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Someone asked me, “OMG, how much did you lose? You lost like 40 pounds!” I replied, “No, actually 4 pounds!” and they looked at me like I was crazy!
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The scale always only ever made me CHEAT or CRY — so I did away with it.
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I just keep those tiny goal shorts hanging up (I’ll even hang them up in my kitchen) and try them on every morning. Every night I eat clean enough to say “Ok, those shorts are gonna be looser in the morning, how do I need to eat TONIGHT to make that happen?”
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I can remember putting on those first pair of size 2′s. I was always, my entire life, that girl who was never meant for them. But I didn’t cry, get emotional, or scream “Thank the LORD!” in the dressing room that day. And that’s because I always knew in the back of my mind I would get there. I never gave up, and I’ll never GIVE up being who I want to be. It would even be a lie if I didn’t admit for a split second I didn’t think “Pfffppt … what? No size 0?”
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So I had become a runner, and a Size 2. Maybe not organically (and maybe not directly), but I learned that getting here and staying here takes years and years. The one thing that you NEVER EVER do is give up or give up in believing in yourself. You either want it or you don’t — you can’t be “lukewarm”.
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Through some “carb creep” and stress eating (plus realizing a Size 2 takes work!) I’m back into those ‘ole size 6’s. But this time, instead of getting out my Kimkins notes and posting at the “other” forum, I decided I needed to be with like-minded people. I needed the right support so I joined Kimkins. I always assumed I could do it on my own, but after I read Bernadette’s testament to her “Sassy Sistas“. I knew I needed to make Kimkins my new home. I have NOOOO doubt I’ll be dusting off those Size 2 lil’ babies soon!
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People ask me about maintenance, how I remain on top of my game and fuel my willpower. I don’t have much willpower. I have a visual goal that is (and always will be) just out of my reach. And in running after it, I maintain. You never remain at a constant weight when you get to goal. Not even people who have NEVER had to diet remain at a constant weight. I’m all or nothing. Maintenance for me is cycling a couple of K/E days with a higher calorie maintenance days. I love cake and I love K/E. I just know there is a time and a place — I don’t want to give either of them up!
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Losing weight is never about the “losing weight”. To me, it’s about the taking control and changing your life. There is something very empowering about changing your body. I think, if you’ve got the personal formula of how to lose enough weight to change your life, then you pretty much have the formula to accomplish anything else you want to do in life.
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I once read, “Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion — you have to set yourself on fire.” I now know what I’m capable of — and I won’t let anyone else tell me otherwise.
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Erin, aka “sillyerin”
Ask Erin questions in her Personal Journal and join her April Hardcore Boot Camp
